stoic

137 – Worthy of Your Potential

“Tentative efforts lead to tentative outcomes. Therefore, give yourself fully to your endeavors. Decide to construct your character through excellent actions and determine to pay the price of a worthy goal. The trials you encounter will introduce you to your strengths. Remain steadfast…and one day you will build something that endures: something worthy of your potential.”

― Epictetus

Show Notes:

  • One of most important habits to cultivate is a strong work ethic.
  • Time and dedicated effort make it more fulfilling.
  • There’s a saying: “How you do one thing is how you do everything.”
  • Often, trying to take shortcuts, we’re often wasting more time going back to fix what wasn’t done well, than if we’d just done it right in the first place.
  • Sometimes, best shortcut is to do good work.
  • And if you’re going to put effort into something, why half ass your way through it? That’s wasted time.
  • If we’re always looking for the easy way, then we may miss out on a more difficult path that has a greater reward.
  • Hard work makes us to get stronger.
  • We’ll never climb a great mountain if we’re only climbing hills.
  • If you’re running a marathon, and you take shortcut and make it to the finish line, then you really didn’t run a marathon.
  • Getting to the finish line and completing the race are two different things.
  • While it’s great to get to the end, how we got there is more important than getting there.
  • And why are we always so focused on getting to the end?
  • When we get to the end, that means the journey is over.
  • It’s the journey, it’s doing the work, it’s the process that’s important.
  • If we’re making only tentative efforts, then we never achieve that mastery which allows to excel at something.
  • Whether we’re building a business, composing music, or writing a book, or training for a marathon, we should dedicate ourselves to our work.
  • And we you achieve that mastery, you’ll be in place where you can create something that endures, something that’s worthy of your potential.

Photo by Andreas Fidler on Unsplash

136 – The Scent of a Good Man

“The honest and good man ought to be exactly like a man who smells strong, so that the bystander, as soon as he comes near him, must smell him whether he chooses or not.”

― Marcus Aurelius

Show Notes:

  • This quote cracked me up.
  • And even though Marcus Aurelius was the Emperor of Rome, I like that fact that he had a sense of humor.
  • His example is a potent reminder that we shouldn’t have to tell people how good we are, they should just notice.
  • Because if someone has to tell people how good a person they are, then they probably aren’t.
  • It’s like when someone says, “Trust me.” The fact that they had to say that now makes me wonder if there is something that I shouldn’t trust about them.
  • It should simply be part of our essence.
  • And while he was being humorous here, we as humans use our senses all the time when we meet other people.
  • Often when we meet someone, we get a certain feeling or “vibe” from someone.
  • We call it a gut feeling or instinct, and while it’s not always right, more times than not, we’re on the scent, and I’ve found that it’s a pretty indicator of the character of a person.
  • And when others meet you, what is their impression of you?
  • Do you reek with integrity?
  • Does your character stink with goodness?
  • Let the scent of your character make a lasting impression.

Photo by Kyle Johnson on Unsplash

134 – A Wise Man

“He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has. ”

― Epictetus

Show Notes:

  • If you were to sit down and write a list of all the things that you want in your life, what would be on that list?
  • Maybe a new house, a new car, new clothes?
  • Would the things that you already have be on the list of things you want?
  • One of the core tenets of Stoicism being grateful for the things that we already have.
  • Because if you can want what you already have, you’ve already found a way to bump up your happiness.
  • One of the facets of modern day marketing is that if there is not a natural market for what you are selling, then they work to create demand for products.
  • Marketing works hard to make you feel like you are missing out, then offer you the solution to fix whatever ails you.
  • That if we only we had the newest, shiniest, new thing, then we could feel happy.
  • And it’s not to say that all marketing is bad. Marketing also lets us know about things that we may be truly interested in.
  • And it’s not always easy when there are messages email, ads, and tv that try to persuade us that we are missing out and that the key to fulfillment is just a credit card transaction away.
  • And then when you throw social media on top of our lives, we start to compare our lives to other people’s highlight reel.
  • And soon we can find ourselves perpetually unhappy with wanting things that we don’t need.
  • I know that I’ve fallen for this.
  • At times in my life when I’ve gone shopping because I’m unhappy or bored.
  • The things that I’m grateful for?
  • My partner and the great relationship that we have.
  • My kids and the good people that they are, and the amazing people they’re becoming.
  • And that we’re all pretty healthy.
  • For my awesome friends that make up my tribe.
  • That I have a comfortable home and a good job to take care of those that I love.
  • Taking those moments to appreciate what you already have, and to think to yourself about how fortunate you are, is a cheap way to brighten your day.

 

 

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133 – A Momentary Loss of Attention

“Very little is needed for everything to be upset and ruined, only a slight lapse in reason. it’s much easier for a mariner to wreck his ship than it is for him to keep it sailing safely; all he has to do is head a little more upwind and disaster is instantaneous. In fact, he does not have to do anything: a momentary loss of attention will produce the same result. It’s much the same in our case. If you doze off, all your progress up to that point will be negated. To keep a sharp eye on your impressions, and never fall asleep. It is no small thing that is being watched over, it equates”

— Epictetus

Show Notes:

  • As we work to become better humans, we need to remember that it takes constant attention.

  • We need to make sure that we are finding ways to apply these principles consistently in our lives.

  • And it’s not easy. Our natural inclination is to be a bit lazy.

  • We don’t always want to put into practice what we’ve learned because it takes consistent effort.

  • I’ve talked about dealing with anger in my life, and reaching a point where I can deal with things more rationally more consistently.

  • So when I read this quote it really felt applicable.

  • There would be times when I’d go for a decent period of not letting my anger get the best of me, then I’d get a little tired or grumpy or frustrated, and fall right back into the same old behavior.

  • I don’t expect to be perfect, but it felt like I was undoing all the progress I had made.

  • Working on the things that will help us become better people is something that needs our attention all the time.

  • Consistent application of principles, ingrains them into our character

  • Just because we because we’ve done well with integrating good practices in principles isn’t our lives doesn’t mean that we can simply rest on our laurels.

  • I think it’s also a bit like fitness. We don’t just build up some muscle and then we never have to work on it again.

  • Consistency and attention helps strengthen our character, and keeps us sailing smoothly.

  • Even a good captain can sail his ship all the way to shore, only to end up on the rocks from careless inattention.

    Photo by Nathan Pirkle on Unsplash

132 – Anything Can Happen

“How ridiculous and unrealistic is the man who is astonished at anything that happens in life.”

― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations Book 12

Show Notes:

– How often do we think that something in life shouldn’t happen to us?
– As if we are somehow immune to the things that happen to anyone else in life.
– How often do we think that we are owed something?
– As if we are somehow privileged above others, that we deserve something
– We may think it’s unfair when something we worked hard for fails to materialize.
– We may think it’s unfair that someone we love gets cancer, that they didn’t deserve it.
– We may think we deserve a perfect partner because go to the gym workout and wear nice clothes.
– The world is full of all kinds of stories about people getting hit with the unexpected and didn’t get what they wanted.
– Who determines what is fair and unfair?
– So much in our lives that is simply up to chance, where we have no control over it.
– We never deserve anything.
– Now this doesn’t mean that all is lost.
– Let go of trying to control the things that we can’t control, and focus on what we can.
– We cannot control the circumstances that happen to us.
– We cannot control the outcome.
– What we can control is how we respond to the things that happen to us.
– If we are diagnosed with an serious illness, we can’t control that it happened to us.
– We can’t control whether we’ll recover from it.
– If we follow the prescriptions of our doctor, we increase our probability of a positive outcome.
– We may not get the job we think we deserve. But we can increase the probability that we’ll get a good job if we put the work in.
– We can also choose our attitude towards towards our situation. We can be angry, we can be sad, we can react in many different ways.
– We’re going to have deal with it anyway, so if we can approach it in the most helpful way we can, we reduce our overall suffering.
– I think that most suffering in the world happens when we try to control the things that we can’t and fail to control what we can.
– Life is full of surprises, but it shouldn’t be.

Photo by Ben Rosett on Unsplash

131 – Say What You Mean

“First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak.”

― Epictetus

Show Notes:

– Have you ever been around someone that uses words they don’t understand?
– How many times have you said something, then had to say, “Well, what I really meant was….”?
– What if we took time to make sure that we were saying what we really meant?
– How many arguments could be cut short if we stopped, thought about what we wanted and what we were trying to convey, and clearly expressed what we really meant or felt?
– How many flame wars on facebook could be avoided if we took time to be sure that what we say is really what we mean?
– The specificity of language is something that is really important.
– Because everyone gives meaning to the things that are said, things are easily misinterpreted or twisted by emotion in the moment.
– The more clear that we can be from the outset, the better our communication will be.
– And while this quote talks about making sure that are clear about what we say, I think we also need to be sure that we are saying what we really mean. Is this something that I really think or feel or am I just saying something that I think the other person wants to hear?
– Maybe what we want to say doesn’t really even need to be said at all.
– In this fast paced world we too often speak before we think.
– Have you ever been around someone that was so busy talking and loved the sound of their own voice so much, that they were just filling the space and saying all kinds of things that they don’t really mean.
– What is it about silence that makes people uncomfortable?
– We often feel that if we’re silent then someone will think we’re boring.
– I know that I’ve often felt this way, that I needed to keep the conversation going for whatever reason.
– But what I’ve learned is that if you can sit quietly with someone and have a comfortable silence with them, you have reached a pretty good point in a relationship.
– And no, sitting watching Netflix doesn’t count.
– I would encourage you to slow down, think about what you are really trying to say, find the right words, and then say it. Or not.
– Because sometimes….silence is golden.

Photo by Alexandra on Unsplash

130 – Suffering Before It’s Time

“He suffers more than necessary, who suffers before it is necessary.”

― Seneca

Show Notes:

  • How often have you stressed over something or worried yourself sick, only to have the scenario you were so worried about never happen?
  • When you worry about something, and you let your imagination run with something, then you suffer many times before you even get to the event that might happen.
  • Unless you can know the future, worrying about something is inventing problems that may never happen.
  • And that kind of suffering is something that we can all probably do without.
  • I’ve talked about this topic on the show before, but I think it’s important to go over these principles many times because we always need a reminder.
  • And the Stoics understood that we as humans have wild imaginations and that we can come with all possible things that can go wrong.
  • And while at times this can be useful with the idea of hoping for the best but preparing for the worst, we need to be sure that when we do imagine the worst that we aren’t wed to the outcome.
  • Because it’s worrying too much about the outcome that we want that causes us to suffer.
  • As the Buddhists would say, we’re suffering because of our attachment to something outside of our control.
  • And because the role of chance and randomness on our lives that can influence the outcome to most things, we have little control over the outcome.
  • What we do have control over is ourselves.
  • We have control over our thinking.
  • Our actions.
  • We can focus on making good decisions.
  • We can focus on doing good work.
  • We can focus on the process.
  • We do what we can do, and learn to be okay with whatever happens, knowing that we put effort into the things that we could influence.
  • When we do these things, we let the chips fall where they may, continue on.
  • The next time you find yourself worrying about something, ask yourself, “Am I focusing on the outcome, or am I working on the process?”

Photo by Jaclyn Moy on Unsplash

129 – Opinions and Perspective

“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”

― Marcus Aurelius

Show Notes:

– So many things in our lives that we experience and accept to be “true” is simply a matter of perception.
– Often we make the mistake of thinking that just because we see or hear something that because we experienced it, it must be what reality is.
– That the way the we experience the world is the way the world really is.
– But the Stoics remind us that everything in our experience is simply our perception of it, and that our perceptions are quite often wrong.
– And that we should be prepared to let go of anything we hold as “facts” or “truth” because at any moment we could get new information and be completely wrong.
– We see this with optical illusions. We see imaginary things in the shadows.
– We see this in mistakes by eyewitness testimonies that are completely contradicted by video footage of the same event.
– Everything that we experience is just data signals coming in and our brains are doing it’s best to interpret what those signals mean.
– Is that a saber tooth tiger or just strange looking bush?
– Is that a bear or gnarled tree?
– It looks to what it learned from the past and tries to compare it and match it to what it’s seen or heard before.
– The other day my partner sent me a link to an video which played a voice speaking a word.
– The strange thing is that some in some people heard the word “laurel” and others heard the word “yanny”.
– In some cases, people could heard both words as if they were superimposed over each other.
– If you haven’t heard this, I’m going to play it for you now.
– I only heard laurel. My partner heard yanny. And as we sat together and listened it was so strange that we were listening to the same thing yet heard completely different words.
– The NYT website has a special player so you can adjust the frequencies to hear both, so I’ll adjust it to move between the two.
– I’ll also put the link in the show notes, so that you can find it later.
– But the point is, that most of our reality is simply subjective. We get the signal and try to make is mean something, and those things that we think are solid facts, are simply an opinion. And truth is very dependent on our perspective.
– Now this doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t believe anything. The point of Stoic rationality, and the basis for the scientific method is one that states, “This is the best opinion, based upon the information that I have. I could be proved wrong at any moment, so I should be willing to be open to changing my mind.”
– Or the most succinct way I’ve heard this put is, “Strong opinions, loosely held”.

Link to the NYT player: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/05/16/upshot/audio-clip-yanny-laurel-debate.html

Photo by Mathilda Khoo on Unsplash

128 – Good Luck, Bad Luck, Who Knows?

 

“Man is affected, not by events, but by the view he takes of them.”

— Epictetus

Show Notes:

• Human beings are creatures that love good stories. Stories are the things that we use to make sense of the things in the world.
• Myths, such as the Greek and Roman or even Norse gods were used to explain why things happen in the world.
• Human beings like to give meaning to the things in their lives.
• It’s part of what makes us human. We give meaning to the expressions on other peoples faces. We give meanings to the words they speak.
• We attribute feelings and thoughts to animals even when we have no real idea of what their thoughts really are.
• One of the core tenets of Stoicism, is the understanding that events and circumstances are simply neutral. They have no meaning other than what we give to them.
• Things happen in life without any reason, which is hard because we as humans want to give meanings to events. We crave a reason. We crave a why. We want to believe that the hard things we go through have some greater purpose. Otherwise we feel that we suffer for nothing.
• For example, if we’re struggling with something, we can look at it as a struggle.
• But if we treat our challenges as opportunities to grow, then we haven’t suffered. We’ve grown stronger. It’s all about perspective.
• Years ago, I heard a great parable that illustrates well.
• A farmer finds a wild horse in his field. He’s able to lead the horse home and puts him in his stable.
• The neighbors upon hearing about the horse, congratulate him on his good luck.
• The farmer simply replies, “Good luck or bad luck, who knows?”
• The next day his son, while trying to train the horse, ends up being thrown, and breaks his leg.
• The neighbors upon hearing about the son, console the farmer on his bad luck.
• The farmer simply replies, “Good luck or bad luck, who knows?”
• The next day while the son is in the hospital, the representative from the emperor comes into town to draft conscripts for the army to fight on the border. His son is released from his obligation because of his broken leg.
• The neighbors upon hearing about his son missing the draft, congratulate him on his good luck.
• The farmer simply replies, “Good luck or bad luck, who knows?”
• After a week, the son comes home to finish recovering. While at the hospital he met a nurse and fell in love, and decided to get engaged.
• The neighbors upon hearing about the engagement, congratulate him on his good luck.
• The farmer simply replies, “Well, when it comes to marriage…good luck or bad luck, who knows?”
• Events and circumstances of life are neutral. It’s up to you to decide if you have bad, or good luck.

Photo by Amy Reed on Unsplash

127 – Laugh in The Face Of Evil

 

“If evil be said of thee, and if it be true, correct thyself; if it be a lie, laugh at it.”

― Epictetus

Show Notes:

  • When I read this quote the first thing that came to mind was “I laugh in the face of evil!” 🙂
  • How often do we get upset at what others say about us?
  • How often do we let what others say about define who we are?
  • Why get upset about their opinion, esp if it’s a lie?
  • Remember, as Stoics we need to open to correction, because what we believe and how we see the world could be totally wrong.
  • We are going to make mistakes.
  • We need to act with integrity and decide if they said has merit.
  • So if someone points out a flaw, we should be thankful because we now know what to correct.
  • And if what is said about you is patently false, rather than let it upset, you should simply laugh in the face of evil.
  • On the surface this quote is telling us that we shouldn’t let what others say about us bother us, because it’s just their opinion, their way of seeing the world.
  • But if we dig a little deeper, what this quote is also telling us is that we need to deal with reality as it it, and not what we want it to be.
  • The reality is we will make mistakes. We’re not perfect. And there will be times when we fail to uphold our standards.
  • Often we don’t see the crappy things that we do, because sometimes because we don’t want to see them. Our ego gets in the way.
  • If we act with integrity should be willing to own our actions, and the outcome of our actions.
  • Don’t own others reactions. Everyone is responsible for their own emotions and reactions.
  • Be grateful for your enemies because they are often the only ones that tell you the truth.
  • And if they lie, laugh in the face of evil.