At the end of the year is always a good time to step back and think about the year to come. Maybe you have some goals that you want to accomplish. Maybe get in better shape and eat better or pick up a new skill. But have you thought about what kind of attributes you want in the next year? In this episode I give you some words of advice of how to approach the new year.
“Things do not touch the soul, for they are external and remain immovable; so our perturbations come only from our inner opinions.”— Marcus Aurelius, Meditations IV.3
Hey Friend,
There’s an old Chinese saying that goes, “May you be cursed to live in interesting times.”
We live in interesting times.
Politics has been turned upside down. Democratic norms are being treated as something antiquated. Civility is being thrown out the window while polarization is increasing.
Economic factors are aren’t looking good. The future for the average person is not optimistic.
It’s been a hard year. It’s easy to let fear overwhelm you. It’s easy to be cynical, to just give up on the world and hide in your little corner.
But as we come to the end of the year, I want to give some advice for the year to come. Most people focus on the goals they have and what they want to accomplish. I think it’s more important to decide what kind of person you want to be.
So here are some ways to make next year a little better.
Be Curious
It’s easy to close off. To think you have all the right answers.
To shut out the things you don’t like. People that are different than you. People who say things you don’t like.
Be open anyway.
Epictetus said:
“If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.” — Epictetus
Stay open to learning new things. Find ideas that that challenge your worldview. Talk with people that disagree with you.
Marcus Aurelius wrote:
“Accustom yourself to attend carefully to what is said by another, and as much as it is possible, try to inhabit the speaker’s mind.” — Marcus Aurelius
Get curious about why they think the way they do. Try to understand their perspective.
Remember, understanding isn’t agreement. Understanding is connective.
Plus, you might be the one that’s wrong.
You might be surprised. Surprise is joyful discovery.
Be open.
Be Okay with Discomfort
Life isn’t about being comfortable. We seek comfort and pleasure and avoid discomfort.
Sit with discomfort anyway.
Don’t push it away. Observe it. See how comfortable you can get with the uncomfortable.
Make it your friend. Expand your tolerance. Face the resistance you feel.
Resistance is not a sign that you’re failing. It’s a signal that you’re on the right path. It’s a sign that something is important. That it matters to you.
Marcus Aurelius said:
“Does what’s happened keep you from acting with justice, generosity, self-control, sanity, prudence, honesty, humility, straightforwardness, and all other qualities that allow a person’s nature to fulfill itself? So remember this principle when something threatens to cause you pain: the thing itself was no misfortune at all; to endure it and prevail is a great good fortune.”
— Marcus Aurelius
Discomfort is where growth happens, where character is created. It shows you were where you’re wrong, where you’re weak. It changes you from who you were to who you’ll become.
You can’t build your strength where it’s easy.
Get uncomfortable.
Be Soft
Sometimes the world feels cruel. You want to put a shell around yourself. To protect yourself.
Be vulnerable anyway.
Don’t get hard. Being hard is not strong. It doesn’t protect.
It breaks.
Marcus Aurelius wrote:
“Accept things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.”
— Marcus Aurelius
Being vulnerable takes strength. Sure you’ll get hurt sometimes.
But what’s the alternative?
When you cut off from things that hurt, you cut off joy. The things that hurt are also things that can you bring you joy. Feel the fullness of life.
Be soft.
Be Tough
The world can be hard. It wants you to be hard. The pressure, stress, you feel like you have to be hard.
Be tough instead.
The harder something is, the more brittle it is. Toughness is inversely proportional to hardness.
Tough means you can bend and flex.
Epictetus tells us:
“Give yourself fully to your endeavors. Decide to construct your character through excellent actions and determine to pay the price of a worthy goal. The trials you encounter will introduce you to your strengths.”
— Epictetus
Push through when things are difficult. You’ll gets scrapes and bruises and callouses. But you won’t break.
You’ll bounce back. Take the hits and keep going. Find strengths you never knew.
Be tough, but don’t be hard.
Slow Down
The world keeps speeding up. You feel like you have to keep up. Be more productive. Get more done.
Slow down.
Seneca reminds us:
“We must indulge the mind and from time to time allow it the leisure which is its food and strength. We must go for walks out of doors, so that the mind can be strengthened by a clear sky and plenty of fresh air.”
— Seneca
Take more walks and look at the trees. Watch more sunrises and sunsets. Add more wonder to your life.
Enjoy your work rather than rushing through. Take some things out of your schedule. Savor time with those you love.
Seneca also wrote:
“True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future, not to amuse ourselves with either hopes or fears but to rest satisfied with what we have, which is sufficient, for he that is so wants nothing.”
— Seneca
Don’t rush towards tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow. It’ll be there for you.
Don’t get stuck in the past. It’s gone.
Be in the moment, not the past, not the future—now.
You’ll find that time slows down.
Fail More
We hate to fail. The world looks down us if we fail.
We love success stories more than ones of failure.
But fail more this year.
If you’re only do thing that you’ll succeed in, you’re playing it safe. Playing it safe isn’t living. It isn’t risking or learning or growing.
As Seneca reminds us:
“A setback has often cleared the way for greater prosperity. Many things have fallen only to rise to more exalted heights.”
— Seneca
If you’re failing, it means you’re trying things that are not easy for you. You’re stepping outside your comfort zone.
It means you’re risking and learning and growing. It means your alive and all the thrill that comes with it.
If there’s a chance of failure and that scares you, it means it’s important to you.
Fail more this year.
See how much you grow.
Let Go
What are you holding onto?
Regret? A grudge? Shame? Anger?
Let it go.
Let go of the things that aren’t serving you. Let go of outcomes.
Expectations of how others should be. Of how you’re supposed to be. Demands that life be how you want it to be.
Marcus Aurelius wrote:
“If you are pained by any external thing, it is not this thing that disturbs you, but your own judgment about it. And it is in your power to wipe out this judgment now.”
— Marcus Aurelius
Put down the weight of all those things you don’t need to carry. Release those things that burden you.
Forgive others. Forgive yourself.
Let go and feel yourself lighten.
Be Kind
It’s easier to just think of how things affect you. Let everyone else fend for themselves.
To get cynical and think that everyone else is out for themselves so why shouldn’t you be?
Be kind anyway.
Choose love over hate, bigotry, racism, sexism.
Hate damages you more than it does others. It makes you ugly on the inside.
Marcus Aurelius wrote:
“Men exist for the sake of one another. Teach them then or bear with them.”
— Marcus Aurelius
If you don’t like the unkindness of the world, don’t add to it.
When others speak badly about you, don’t respond in kind. When others use or manipulate you, surprise them with kindness and grace.
Give compliments when you don’t have to. Give the benefit of the doubt. Forgive their ignorance.
Practice grace when driving.
Give kindness back into the world.
As Seneca wrote:
“Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness.”
— Seneca
Be kind.
Have a wonderful New Year!
My book Stoicism 101 is available! Order here!
Find out more at https://stoic.coffee
Watch episodes on YouTube!
Find me on linkedIn, instagram, or threads.
Thanks again for listening!
