Self-made success, individual freedom, pulling yourself up by your bootstraps—these ideas have become the cornerstone of many modern cultures, especially in the West. But is this individualistic mindset really working for us? Today, we’re taking a look at why excessive individualism can be harmful, how it isolates us, and what Stoicism has to say about our interconnectedness and shared humanity.
“The wise man will never shut himself up within his own skin; he remembers that he is born for the good of all mankind.”
—Seneca
The Rise of Individualism and Its Problems
One the past few years we’ve seen a rise in division throughout the world, and while many place the blame on economic factors or political movements, I think an overlooked factor is individualism. Individualism prioritizes personal freedom, self-reliance, and independence over community, interdependence, and shared responsibility. While it has its merits, an overly individualistic culture can lead to isolation, loneliness, and a lack of purpose.
For example, social media often glorifies the “self-made” entrepreneur or influencer, but behind the scenes, these individuals rely on teams, support networks, and mentors. Even the platforms themselves are made up of companies of thousands of employees. The myth of doing it all alone creates unrealistic expectations and feelings of inadequacy.
Marcus Aurelius, in his Meditations, wrote, “What injures the hive, injures the bee,” reminding us that we are not isolated individuals but part of a greater whole, and harming that whole ultimately harms ourselves.
The Problem with the “Self-Made” Mindset
The idea of being “self-made” ignores the vast web of contributions from others—teachers, parents, mentors, friends, and even strangers—that enable individual success. It also ignores the fact that we live in a society, which is where we have opportunities available for growth and achievement. The Stoics emphasized gratitude for the help and wisdom of others.
Seneca, in his work, On Benefits, wrote extensively on the importance of recognizing our debts to society and those who came before us, explaining:
“The benefits we receive from others should inspire us to pass on good deeds. Life is a chain of generosity, a cycle where each link strengthens the next.”
At a very basic level, you came into this world as a helpless infant who needed help and support to survive into adulthood. And think about how challenging it would be to achieve anything if you had to grow your own food, build your own home, pave your own roads, or get your own clean water? Humanity has thrived not because we are smarter than the other animals, but because we are able to come together and work towards common goals. As a society, we are all dependent on each other in big and small ways.
At a higher level, take any Nobel Prize winner. Their achievements rest on the shoulders of countless collaborators, educators, and predecessors. They build off of the all the scientific discoveries that have happened before. Seneca recognized the importance of collective knowledge, writing in his Letters to Lucilius, “No man can live a happy life, or even a supportable life, without the study of wisdom; but the origin of this wisdom must be sought in those who came before us.”
In his book, Natural Questions, he takes it even further, writing:
“The time will come when diligent research over long periods will bring to light things which now lie hidden. A single lifetime, even though entirely devoted to the skies, would not be enough for the investigation of so vast a subject… Future generations will discover them, and then wonder how we could have been so ignorant of things so obvious.”
The “self-made” myth dismisses the collective effort behind every success story.
Selfishness
Another aspect that comes up when we only focus on ourselves is that we become more selfish. If we view everything with a perspective of “what’s in it for me?”, then every relationship and interaction with others becomes transactional and self-serving. Have you ever been around someone like this? Someone that is always looking out for themselves with little regard of how their actions impact you or others? They’re not fun to be around, and it’s hard to trust they have your best interests at heart.
Stoicism emphasizes the importance of relationships and shared bonds. Epictetus taught that we should care for others as we would for ourselves, recognizing that we are all part of the same human family, teaching:
“What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.”
The Isolation Epidemic
Individualism has contributed to increasing rates of loneliness and mental health issues. The focus on independence often comes at the cost of connection, community, and shared purpose. In hyper-individualistic societies, people are less likely to rely on family or neighbors for support, leading to isolation. Studies show that loneliness is as damaging to health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. It’s been shown in multiple studies that the biggest predictor of a longer and healthier life is having close and supportive friends and community.
A prime example of this what happened during the pandemic. I remember how challenging it was being isolated from my friends and community. Even though I had all my physical needs met, and I was able to work from home, it was difficult to manage without much social interaction. I found myself, like many others, scheduling zoom chats with friends and family in order to feel connected to others. It was such a relief when restrictions loosened up and things got back to normal.
Interestingly enough, I read an article the other day discussing how people were refusing some positions that didn’t have the option to come into work at least part of the time. They wanted social interaction with their colleagues, and feel like they are better able to collaborate when they spend time face to face with their coworkers.
Stoicism’s View of Interconnectedness
Stoicism teaches that humans are social animals, interconnected by nature, and designed to cooperate for the greater good. The Stoic followed the concept of “cosmopolitanism”, meaning that rather than seeing oneself as a just a sole person or a citizen of a single place, that we are all citizens of the cosmos.
Epictetus taught his students:
“Do as Socrates did, never replying to the question of where he was from with, ‘I am Athenian,’ or ‘I am from Corinth’, but always, ‘I am a citizen of the world’”
reminding us that we should treat all people as part of human family.
Marcus Aurelius frequently reflected on the idea that he was just one part of a larger organism, and that his role was to contribute to the common good. In one passage of Meditations he writes:
“Meditate often on the interconnectedness and mutual interdependence of all things in the universe. For in a sense, all things are mutually woven together and therefore have an affinity for each other.”
The Balance Between Independence and Interdependence
Stoicism doesn’t dismiss self-reliance but sees it as part of a broader context. The Stoic Dichotomy of Control is all about understanding what you have control over and what you don’t so you can focus on the things where you can actually have a direct impact. By taking action where you can, you develop your independence and are able to have an impact where you can.
But true strength lies in recognizing when we need help and when we should offer it.
There is nothing wrong with asking for help. The fact is we all need help, and learning how to ask for help is not always easy. It means revealing that maybe you aren’t as strong as you project out to others. It means that you have acknowledge your weaknesses. But by reaching out to others for the things you need, you’ll find that you’re able to accomplish more together then you can on your own.
This is something that I’ve struggled with. I’m more than happy to help others and offer assistance, but I have trouble reaching out to others to help me in areas where I struggle. This has made my career transition to a speaker and coach move much slower than I hoped. It’s a struggle for me to reach out to others and ask for help, but that’s what I need to do if I want to succeed.
So a few months ago I reached out to my friend Trever who is also at crossroads in his career. We’ve been working together on a few ideas and have finally come up something that I’m very excited about and I’ll be sharing more about over the next few months. I know that working together we’ll be able to accomplish a lot more than what I can do alone, and make a far bigger impact on the world.
I also hired an assistant, Jan, who helps me with my videos. Over the past few months, she has done a fantastic job taking my ideas and making them even better. She helps make the videos much more interesting that I can. She’s someone I can bounce ideas off of, and has elevated the quality of my work. I recognized that I couldn’t do it alone, and I’m very grateful for her help. Thanks Jan!
The Stoic Case for Shared Purpose
Individualism often leads to existential struggles because people feel unmoored without a sense of shared purpose. Stoicism reminds us that contributing to the common good gives life meaning. Marcus Aurelius wrote:
“A life spent viewing the whole world as your city and the universe as your home is one of true purpose.”
Now some people think that Stoicism, with its focus on controlling what you have control over, would be a self centered philosophy. But Stoicism is completely the opposite. When we look at the core tenants of Stoicism, we have the four cardinal virtues—wisdom, courage, temperance, and justice. Justice is all about treating other people with fairness and compassion. The Stoics taught us that we need to engage in the world to live a life of virtue.
If you are only out for yourself, and not being a part of the world and doing good work, you fail to lean justice. How do you develop wisdom and courage if you are never in situations where you have to make wise choices or have practice courage? How do you develop the discipline to live the virtues if you never have the opportunity to do so? It is through our experiences in the world that we develop and refine the virtues. As Seneca reminds us:
“It is not for yourself that you are born, but for the whole world.”
Rebuilding Community in an Individualistic World
Stoicism offers practical ways to reconnect with others and overcome the alienation caused by individualism. The Stoics recommend that we we practice gratitude. We can acknowledge the contributions of others in your life. Write letters, say thank you, and recognize your interconnectedness with those who have helped you in your life.
We can also step out of own needs and engage in service. We can dedicate time to helping others, not for recognition but because it strengthens the social fabric of our society. Often times the best way to work through your own challenges is by helping others work through their difficulties.
Another idea would be to form a Stoic Circle, where you can discuss ideas, share struggles, and grow with others who share your values. This type of support group can help you through the challenges of everyday life and enrich your life, as connections with others is one the most important aspects of living a good life. As Marcus Aurelius observed:
“We were born to work together, like feet, hands, and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower.”
Conclusion
Individualism might seem like freedom, but in reality, it isolates us from the very things that make life meaningful. The Stoics remind us that we’re stronger, wiser, and more fulfilled when we embrace our shared humanity.
I want to challenge you to take some time and reflect on how you can contribute to your community, strengthen relationships, or acknowledge the ways others have shaped your life. Let this week be an experiment in living with purpose, not just for yourself but for the world around you.
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