Are you mentally tough? Are you able to take what life dishes out and keep smiling? Today I want to talk about mental toughness and how you can develop the right kind of toughness while being flexible to life changes.
“Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body.”
—Seneca
In last weeks episode I talked about why I moved back from Amsterdam to Portland. I shared the struggles I had, and how I was mentally stuck. It wasn’t an easy episode to put out because we all want look like we’re successful and thriving.
But I wasn’t, and I try to be as honest with my struggles because this podcast is not about being perfect. It’s about being honest with how things really are. And when you’re honest with how things really are, it gives you insight into how to move past them and take action to get to where you want to be.
And things are moving in the right direction. I’ve settled into a new apartment, getting up earlier, and eating healthier. I’ve been more motivated to work on the things that I’ve put off for a while. Opportunities are surfacing and I’m taking action on them. I’ve changed my mindset from one of languishing, to one of optimism.
Today, I want to talk about something that doesn’t get enough credit when we think about success, happiness, or just surviving tough seasons of life.
It’s not talent.
It’s not luck.
It’s not even intelligence.
It’s something way quieter. Something you build, one hard moment at a time.
Today we’re talking about mental toughness, and not the fake, “just toughen up” kind.
I’m talking about real inner strength — the kind that helps you stay calm when the world feels chaotic. The kind that keeps you moving when you feel like giving up.
So… what exactly is mental toughness? Does it mean that nothing affects you? That you can take anything without flinching? Does it mean that you show no emotion when things get hard?
For me, it’s simple: It’s the ability to keep your head clear, your heart steady, and your feet moving — even when life punches you in the gut.
It’s staying focused when you’re tired, discouraged, maybe even scared.
It’s emotional resilience.
It’s persistence.
It’s grit.
Mental toughness is about using your wisdom to devise an action plan, having the courage to make hard choices, and the discipline to take action.
Marcus Aurelius, the Roman Emperor and Stoic philosopher, put it perfectly. He said:
“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
That’s it.
Mental toughness isn’t about controlling the chaos outside. It’s about mastering the chaos inside. It’s not squashing the emotions that you feel, but rather navigating those emotions with strength and rationality so that you can come out better on the other side.
One of my favorite examples of this is Michael Jordan. You probably know the story — he got cut from his high school varsity basketball team. Think about that. The greatest basketball player of all time… rejected.
Most people would have said, “Guess I’m not good enough.” But Jordan? He took that pain, that rejection, and used it as fuel. He took that situation and learned from it. He realized that he wasn’t good enough at that moment, and got to work. He trained harder than anyone else. He decided that no one was ever going to outwork him again.
And that’s a huge part of mental toughness — using setbacks, not as stop signs, but as stepping stones. And Marcus Aurelius reminds us of this:
“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”
Now, when I was thinking about this episode, I realized — mental toughness isn’t just one thing. It’s actually a set of skills you can build. I want to break down five key pillars of mental toughness.
1. Emotional Regulation
First: Controlling your emotions instead of letting them control you.
Look, emotions are normal. Fear, frustration, anger — they happen. But toughness is about pausing, breathing, and choosing your response. If you are not in regulating your emotions, then they are controlling you.
Navy SEALs actually use something called box breathing to reset under pressure:
Inhale for 4 seconds.
Hold for 4.
Exhale for 4.
Hold for 4.
This exercise helps you reset psychology by resetting your physiology. It’s pause to clear your head. It’s simple, but powerful.
2. Persistence Over Talent
You don’t have to be the smartest person in the room. But you do have to be the one who refuses to quit.
Albert Einstein once said:
“It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.”
Persistence beats talent every time — if you stay in the game long enough. Your opponent may be more talented that you. The challenge may feel like it’s too big for you. But bailing out too early means that you certainly won’t succeed. You might also rob yourself of learning important lessons to face your next challenge.
3. Reframing Failure
Failure isn’t proof that you suck. It’s feedback. It’s information. It’s a signpost on the path telling you that there’s something more to learn or that you need to head a different direction.
Thomas Edison tried thousands of times to invent the lightbulb. When asked if he felt like a failure, he said:
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
Each time something doesn’t work it’s just another data point. If you’re only willing to try something that you know how to do or you know will succeed, then you’ll never succeed at something new.
Mental toughness means seeing every loss as a lesson, not a life sentence. You win, or you learn.
4. Self-Discipline
Honestly? Mental toughness is built in the boring moments no one talks about.
Waking up early. Doing one more rep. Choosing the hard thing even when it’s easier to slack off.
It’s about giving up comfort and facing the hard things to build something with purpose.
As James Stockdale reminds us:
“You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end — which you can never afford to lose — with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality.”
Kobe Bryant was famous for his 4 AM workouts. It wasn’t about loving early mornings — it was about loving what the work created. You don’t win NBA championships by sleeping in every morning or partying every night. You do it by consistently choosing to put in the work every day.
Those boring moments? That’s where the magic is, not the big grand gesture that are flashy or sexy. It’s consistently doing the things that need to be done.
5. Belief in the Bigger Picture
Finally, you have to have a reason that’s bigger than the discomfort you’re facing. A strong “why.”
Nietzsche said:
“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”
When you remember why you’re doing the hard thing — whether it’s for your family, your mission, your own self-respect — the hard stuff doesn’t feel quite so heavy. If your why isn’t strong enough, then it’s easy to simply give up when you run into resistance.
Actions
So — if you want to build real mental toughness, you don’t have to make huge dramatic changes. You can start small.
Here are some simple ways:
- Take a cold shower which teaches you to step into discomfort voluntarily.
- Push through a hard workout — even when you want to quit.
- Have that difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding.
- Journal every night and ask yourself what you handled well, and what you can learn.
- Set tiny micro-challenges and choose little ways to step outside your comfort zone, every single day.
Conclusion
Toughness isn’t loud. It’s not macho.
It’s not about acting like nothing hurts.
It’s about showing up anyway. Choosing courage over comfort, progress over perfection, and resilience over reaction.
So, here’s a thought to leave you with: Every tough moment you face is like a brick. And every time you choose not to quit, you lay another brick down.
Over time?
You build a fortress inside yourself. One that no storm can tear down.
Thanks for hanging out with me today.
And if this episode resonated with you, do me a favor: share it with someone who could use a little extra strength today.
We’re all building our fortresses — one breath, one step, one tough moment at a time.
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